When does the worry end...
December of 2012, DeAndre's adoption was finalized. After his adoption, there was a sigh of relief. The relief of he is our child forever, no more case workers etc. From this experience, we decided to go back into fostering other children. We learned how many other kids need homes, we need to keep going. We had that mentality, the "we need to save the world" type of mentality. With all the foster children we have taken in through the years, the one thing was certain, at least with DeAndre, we didn't have to fight anymore.
Unfortunately, because he is autistic, what we had thought was all wrong. Yes, he has changed so much, he has come so far. He is now verbal and he is so much more self sufficient in the past several years. The meltdowns are far and few between, he learned an incredible amount of self control. The one fight that still remains, is how we have so little control of how our son is treated when he is not with us. How he is taken advantage of, because he is different, his voice is limited compared to most people. This kills us to an extent, the not knowing if he is safe or as safe as he should be.
Our son is a genius, he is brilliant. On the other hand, he can not always tell when others are mean or bullying. He sees the good in everyone, which makes altercations hard, he feels he is always in the wrong. I am not talking about his peers, surprisingly, kids his age to our knowledge, are very respectful to him. I'm talking about the adults, the teachers.
He, a few years ago, was treated aggressively from a teacher. He was not able to find a way to let us know what had really occurred until weeks after the fact. Then it was a battle to even get people to hear me, just because my son is special needs doesn't mean he doesn't know what is going on. I got the speech "I have kids too, I know that your upset". My reply "you have no idea, you couldn't possibly know". We adopted our son from the system, this type of thing wasn't supposed to be an option for him anymore, not in our house.
It took weeks for us to battle the school system, especially being a same sex couple. Being relentless is what worked, saying we will not stand for this or the teacher being put back in any classroom. Eventually she was terminated, we just shouldn't have to go through all of that just to protect our kids in a special needs class setting. The first person they believed was their staff, not the student who didn't have the ability to lie.
Now we have a name in the school system, a name that we fight for our children no matter what. So when we had to make another phone call about DeAndre being slighted even when needing to use the rest room. Yes, I said it, he simply had to go potty. So when it wasn't convenient for the class schedule he was provoked and called the teacher a name. Of course a letter went home telling us he was corrected on name calling, which has never happened in his life, that red flag went up. The actual truth of what led to the name calling was omitted. He is now capable of telling us and opening up about things going on, thankfully.
The fight we thought was the only battle, being a foster parent, is only the beginning. After we go through the ups and downs to get to be a child's legal parent, then starts a whole new ball game. The fighting as just parents is always going to be there. Especially with a special needs child, his past always comes into play of how we are together now. Will that also make us more strict and protective as parents because of what we have already experienced? What we have learned, is the struggle really never ends, the challenge just becomes greater.
Unfortunately, because he is autistic, what we had thought was all wrong. Yes, he has changed so much, he has come so far. He is now verbal and he is so much more self sufficient in the past several years. The meltdowns are far and few between, he learned an incredible amount of self control. The one fight that still remains, is how we have so little control of how our son is treated when he is not with us. How he is taken advantage of, because he is different, his voice is limited compared to most people. This kills us to an extent, the not knowing if he is safe or as safe as he should be.
Our son is a genius, he is brilliant. On the other hand, he can not always tell when others are mean or bullying. He sees the good in everyone, which makes altercations hard, he feels he is always in the wrong. I am not talking about his peers, surprisingly, kids his age to our knowledge, are very respectful to him. I'm talking about the adults, the teachers.
He, a few years ago, was treated aggressively from a teacher. He was not able to find a way to let us know what had really occurred until weeks after the fact. Then it was a battle to even get people to hear me, just because my son is special needs doesn't mean he doesn't know what is going on. I got the speech "I have kids too, I know that your upset". My reply "you have no idea, you couldn't possibly know". We adopted our son from the system, this type of thing wasn't supposed to be an option for him anymore, not in our house.
It took weeks for us to battle the school system, especially being a same sex couple. Being relentless is what worked, saying we will not stand for this or the teacher being put back in any classroom. Eventually she was terminated, we just shouldn't have to go through all of that just to protect our kids in a special needs class setting. The first person they believed was their staff, not the student who didn't have the ability to lie.
Now we have a name in the school system, a name that we fight for our children no matter what. So when we had to make another phone call about DeAndre being slighted even when needing to use the rest room. Yes, I said it, he simply had to go potty. So when it wasn't convenient for the class schedule he was provoked and called the teacher a name. Of course a letter went home telling us he was corrected on name calling, which has never happened in his life, that red flag went up. The actual truth of what led to the name calling was omitted. He is now capable of telling us and opening up about things going on, thankfully.
The fight we thought was the only battle, being a foster parent, is only the beginning. After we go through the ups and downs to get to be a child's legal parent, then starts a whole new ball game. The fighting as just parents is always going to be there. Especially with a special needs child, his past always comes into play of how we are together now. Will that also make us more strict and protective as parents because of what we have already experienced? What we have learned, is the struggle really never ends, the challenge just becomes greater.
