Have you ever been accused of something so horrendous that you lose sleep?  To the point that you’re so angry, angry that someone can even say something so false about you.  Well, after the false accusation was made about our family, I am now living in fear. Yes, it was expunged, but the fear is not going away.

I’m talking about the doctor that called child line on us, because we are a same sex couple.  The doctor that said that we starve our child, when we found he has Hypoglycemia.  The doctor we took our kid too, because we were concerned and knew something was not right.   This is a reason that some foster parents choose to take a step back and not push for answers. 

The reason that I am writing this, is because this feeling that has come over me is all new.  Being targeted and sparking an investigation about our home, regardless if true or not is scary.  I for one am now terrified for my kids to say the littlest thing for someone to take it out of context and make a call again.  This isn’t just about foster parents, this is about all parents. 

When the investigation happened, our house was run through with a fine-tooth comb.  It was terrifying, what if one of the kids said something sarcastic, it could be taken the wrong way.  There even were meetings after the investigation was complete.  DHS questioned if we were placed too many kids or kids with special needs because of things this doctor said.  Meetings that we weren’t invited too, people were there that had never even been in our home.  How the hell could they have an opinion on what we do on a daily basis?!?!

During this meeting, it was mentioned that the medical appointments haven’t been documented for almost 2 years.  So, DHS assumed we were not taking the kids to the doctors, but wasn’t a doctor the one who started this whole thing anyway?  So, of course we catch wind and took over.  We called all the doctors’ offices, specialist and dentist to resend over all paperwork needed.  Again, we had to prove that we have been doing our duties as parents without fail.  What was then showed was how our case workers dropped the ball and never filed the paperwork properly.  So of course, the fingers get pointed at us first, then we cover our butts.

There was a follow up meeting to decide if all the kids were staying in our care or not.  I asked to attend but was denied.  I wanted the commissioner of DHS to know what takes place between our home and her office.  So now the heat is off us and on the case workers.  The investigation is over, we filed a complaint with the medical board against the doctor.  For us, we just cross our fingers that we can get the rest of the adoptions fast before any other mishaps interfere with our children and their safety.

Don’t get me wrong, fostering is a great thing.  We love all our children, even after having Gavin, it’s the same love.  The problem is to do this job, you’re doing other people’s jobs as well.  You need to have thick skin and realize that you are under a microscope always.  Sadly, at times, you feel like everyone is against you.  Especially when all you want to do is be an advocate for children that have no one else.  At the end of the day we doubt if we can take any more stress.  It’s when the kids are in bed and the house is finally quiet, you remember why you started this journey.