For many people the Holidays bring mixed emotions, especially for those that have lost a loved one.  Thanksgiving is supposed to be happy and of course to be thankful for what you have in life.  For us, it's not about who we have lost, it's about those we choose to keep away from due to negativity.  The sadness is that all we ask is for positive people to be in our life, blood or not, as parents this is important.  It took a very long time to realize, this is exactly what our children are feeling being adopted through the foster system.

The reason I am saying this, tomorrow we will look around the table, at the faces with us.  We will see our kids, they will be happy. How often during a holiday do you realize what or who you are missing?  People are in this world, that made the choice not to be in their life.  That goes for all of us, you don't have to be through the foster system to know or feel that.  Someone doesn't need to pass away to feel like you have lost them. Then the questions arise, how hard is it to just get your stuff together for the people or kids your supposed to love????

Karson, he turned 1 year in October.  You remember him, our surprise baby, a sibling to one of our kids.  Before his birthday, we were supposed to have TPR (termination of rights).  The Bio mom showed up to court for the first time since he has been born.  Of course, the judge took her rights, but when our case worker told her of the sibling that was adopted this past June.  Her words "That's over, I don't care about her, I'm here for my son".  OK, WHAT?!?!?!  You left him in the hospital and ran as soon as you gave birth, never even looked at this poor baby, YOUR SON?  That does not qualify you to call him that name, he is OUR son!!!  Our daughter, we know she never cared for her, but does it hurt to just say "I'm happy she has a family"?

The kicker is, a man was with her that signed hospital papers, claiming to be the father.  While the Bio mom was denied her rights, the judge demanded this guy with her to take a random paternity test.  Honestly, no one has seen Karson ever, over almost a year; The judge just wanted to know who's naming to list for bio dad to be terminated as well.  Unfortunately, the paternity test was never taken, so our adoption was delayed for no reason at all.  Apparently, Bio mom told him on the way to court that she was already pregnant when they met.  We go back to court mid-December and now it’s a done deal, finally.

Just after this all happened, I reached out to blood relatives of these 2 specific kids we have.  They are the only children we have with no contact with the Bio family.  I reached the grandmother, via facebook, asking if she would mind us staying in touch.  I told her how well the children are doing, I even sent pictures.  I asked if she can allow the children to talk to her later in life if they choose, she agreed that would be OK.  The reason, she is their Bio grandmother, who currently has their 3rd sibling, the oldest sibling.  She at one time fought for custody, but was denied, we give her tons of credit.  But when our kid’s birthdays came up, no message, nothing to even say Happy Birthday.  So, our hope to have her communication did not last very long.

My point here is, when your looking around your Thanksgiving table, the ones that are there are the ones that count.  I don't mean only those missing because they have passed or ones that had to be somewhere else this year.  What I mean is, everyone at your table is missing someone else.  Either by choice or not, deep down they are wishing maybe the table was a bit fuller.  That's the important thing, is to be present for them now so they can feel as complete as possible with what we have today.  We can't make people change, I have tried, it doesn't work.  I learned to make myself aware of how someone else maybe feeling, empathy goes a long way.

At first, we felt guilty of us wanting to move 1000 miles away.  Truth be told, once you drain the drama and nonsense in your life, there is not many left.  So, we really do not feel so bad about them being so young and moving now.  We are moving to give DeAndre a better education in a school environment that we cannot find here.  We are also moving to get our children away from how we got together as a family.  We do talk whenever they want, about how each one of them came here.  They are fully aware and comfortable with their stories.  But now it's time for them to get a fresh start with only being themselves and not reminded of being victims of circumstance.  To just be thankful for who is actually here, present in their lives, forever.  That's what really matters, for all of us.