Understand without question.

When going through a life change, for instance a divorce, there are so many challenges that are completely unexpected. Then meeting someone that completely fills that part of your life you were missing, resulting in a new relationship.  Adding to the mix being a non traditional family of adoption, let alone, many with special needs. Then let’s throw into that same hat, being a blended family racially, oh, and also being an lgbtq family.  As a parent, I’m finding our diversity is teaching, not only my children, but my followers as well, unconditional acceptance. The problem comes, when others don’t understand this and pass judgement, as outside influences can counteract and create negativity.

I know this family diverseness isn’t something my children have asked for.  It is just the life we are dealt, living the best way we can.  The hardest part is staying on them individually and keeping them positive, as much as possible.  To know that they already have been through so much.  

For example, my oldest, DeAndre is beyond amazing and I know he will go very far in the music industry.  His autism is literally his super power. It gives him a strength that I cannot describe.

DeAndre is going through puberty and his parents getting divorced, on top of normal life struggles.  The bigger downfall, is that he is not necessarily a fan of his autism. He is now 14, and is aware of how other kids treat and/or react towards him.  DeAndre is distraught, because other parents haven’t taught their own kids about special needs; that some people/kids are different and not understanding or compassionate as they should be. He is hurting. Although, we feel that his autism is what makes him so remarkable. However, I do understand that DeAndre may never be completely comfortable with who he is, since there has been so much trauma in his life leading up to this point.  Every day can seem traumatic to him, being watched and in the spot light for his autistic behaviors, as being the center of attention is something he cannot stand to begin with. 

I’m sure it’s hard for any teenager to understand or explain what they are going through, but imagine having communication issues on top of that. It must be so, so hard. The only thing we can do as parents is be more aware of his feelings, because he is not able to just come out and tell us. We have had so many breakthroughs, but still have more to go. He even asked to reach out to his bio mother.  Sadly, he needs to fill a void it seems, to maybe feel a little more comfortable with who he is. I completely understand his need to just feel normal. Growing up myself I had that same need. I just want to fix everything for him, so that he can just be happy with the amazing person that he is.

So bottom line, I’m not going to use the saying “you never know what someone else is going through.” What I am going to say is, JUST STOP! Stop gossiping about someone else’s downfalls. You do not know how or what else is affecting kids, not to mention us adults.  Stop letting your children go when you hear or know they are teasing or judging.  When I say live and teach acceptance, I mean of everyone, not just lgbtq+, it’s all aspects of the human race.  Instead, motivate people to be better, to live their lives for what will make them happy.  Encourage, instead of  discourage, people in general to find their happiness, regardless of social norms.  Reach out and help the cause! You just never know when you may need someone!  You just never know of what may happen in life. You too may need some kind of understanding, without question. 

Written by Diane Ponist

Edited by Tiffany Shimko