When thinking about becoming a foster parent, at least for us, you think about the horrible conditions a lot of children come from.  Either from neglect or abuse or both, any way you look at, we thought how can anyone do this to a child.  Then immediately in our mind, in the beginning at least, we had a negative mentality about the bio parents.  I’m pretty sure a lot of people do actually, but I can honestly say, now after doing this for years, my whole outlook has changed.

As many people know, we have been in a what seems to be a never ending battle, for years with some of our children.  Rightfully so, we have felt that a lot of what was going on was so unnecessary.  We always wanted what was best for the child and the child only.  Not until recently, since all of our cases have been switched to adoption, did we realize.  The bio parents are not the enemy for us, we have compassion that we didn’t know we had for every one of them in different ways.

Not until our 2 1/2year fight involving our 4yr old foster son, now about to be adopted, did it hit me.  The bio mother in this case could have got him back, we even pled with her to accept the help she needed in order to please the courts.  Not until the day she signed over her rights, did we realize she never wanted him back, only because she was just now putting him first.  We cried with her over the phone as she signed, this was obviously the hardest thing she would ever have to do.  At that point, I saw, regardless of the past mistakes, she had a huge heart, she just didn’t have the support system that a lot of people have.  As much as a struggle it seemed through the years, she just did not want to let him go, I understand that.

Then I look at the baby of our family, I have always felt differently about her situation.  I felt this girl is gorgeous and has been in the system from just a few weeks old, how could they just walk away.  Her adoption day is very soon; we can’t wait for this to be legal.  But where I had anger was from them not wanting to see her or meet us, I realize it was really the best thing for her.  That later in life, unlike the rest of our children, she will not remember any family fighting for her.  We now believe that was her path, she was created just for us, that’s what she is going to know later in life.  When I felt hurt for her that no one cared enough to fight for her, it comes down to them just knowing she is better off with us.  I respect that now!

My point is this, what I have learned is that I need to always have an open mind.  Do I agree with abuse and neglect etc.?   Of course not, no one deserves to go through what a lot of these children have to face.  To me, there is no excuse, there is always an option other then any type of abuse.   It appears just some people do not know how to look for or see that help is needed.  What I now see is these children are the result of the bios not knowing how to deal with certain circumstances.  It’s our job to see the positive and reflect only on that going forward of how and why we came together.  Yet, not losing sight of what is most important.