This week was an unexpectedly exciting week for our home and family. On Monday we had an ultrasound and learned the sex of our baby. Good surprise that was very well needed, we are having a boy as all of our children expected. But with all the excitement and new feelings of carrying a child, new for both of us, it is also eye opening in another way.
As I laid in bed last night, trying to fall asleep, it dawned on me. In the beginning of this pregnancy, I was worried about this baby coming into our life. We did things backwards, well compared to most families to foster/adopt and also have a bio child. I was scared that our current children were going to have negative feelings, “why didn't I come from your belly” type of feelings. Honestly, they are not feeling anything but happiness and joy of our newest family member. They are proud to be apart of this process and feel closer as a family unit which is an amazing feeling for all of us.
Every night we have a routine after dinner. Kristin lays on the living room floor as the kids and I sit around her and we talk to the baby. We each yell at Kristin’s stomach “hi baby” as we all tell the baby who we are. Then we blow raspberries on the belly and giggle, this we started a few weeks ago. What came over me last night is the feeling of an overwhelming sense of sadness in a way.
I am extremely sad because I am feeling a different type of attachment for this baby. I am just as attached to our other children don't get me wrong. My point is I never wanted to carry a child, so until this I thought maybe I would resent the baby, that's not the case either. My sadness comes from wondering how any person can go through the excitement and the feeling of carrying a child. Even though I'm not the one carrying, knowing this growing baby in my wife's belly, then turn and not want it anymore. As is the case with our other children, I feel more sad for them, I appreciate them even more now. I can't understand how any person can conceive a child then not do everything in your power to keep this child safe.
When Kristin told me 7 months ago she still wants to experience carrying, I said ok. At the time I was impartial, I could take or leave her being pregnant and be fine either way. Now that she is pregnant, even though I have no biological connection to this baby either, I have already created a huge bond with him.
I thanked her recently, of course she told me to stop cause she is so emotional, but I thanked her for kind of pushing this experience for us. It opened my eyes in a new light. This is something so amazing, something I never knew I wanted so badly. Something our kids are proud to actually watch their new sibling growing in mommy’s belly. Something to bring our family even closer to solidify even more that just blood doesn't make us whole.
As I laid in bed last night, trying to fall asleep, it dawned on me. In the beginning of this pregnancy, I was worried about this baby coming into our life. We did things backwards, well compared to most families to foster/adopt and also have a bio child. I was scared that our current children were going to have negative feelings, “why didn't I come from your belly” type of feelings. Honestly, they are not feeling anything but happiness and joy of our newest family member. They are proud to be apart of this process and feel closer as a family unit which is an amazing feeling for all of us.
Every night we have a routine after dinner. Kristin lays on the living room floor as the kids and I sit around her and we talk to the baby. We each yell at Kristin’s stomach “hi baby” as we all tell the baby who we are. Then we blow raspberries on the belly and giggle, this we started a few weeks ago. What came over me last night is the feeling of an overwhelming sense of sadness in a way.
I am extremely sad because I am feeling a different type of attachment for this baby. I am just as attached to our other children don't get me wrong. My point is I never wanted to carry a child, so until this I thought maybe I would resent the baby, that's not the case either. My sadness comes from wondering how any person can go through the excitement and the feeling of carrying a child. Even though I'm not the one carrying, knowing this growing baby in my wife's belly, then turn and not want it anymore. As is the case with our other children, I feel more sad for them, I appreciate them even more now. I can't understand how any person can conceive a child then not do everything in your power to keep this child safe.
When Kristin told me 7 months ago she still wants to experience carrying, I said ok. At the time I was impartial, I could take or leave her being pregnant and be fine either way. Now that she is pregnant, even though I have no biological connection to this baby either, I have already created a huge bond with him.
I thanked her recently, of course she told me to stop cause she is so emotional, but I thanked her for kind of pushing this experience for us. It opened my eyes in a new light. This is something so amazing, something I never knew I wanted so badly. Something our kids are proud to actually watch their new sibling growing in mommy’s belly. Something to bring our family even closer to solidify even more that just blood doesn't make us whole.
